Struggling

I am well aware that given I do live in a first world country, there is that tendency of my blog to be indundated by first world problems. I am also aware that I made it a point not to dwell on these problems. Subsequently I realise if I were to not talk about my struggles (which are all "first world" in nature), then I quite literally have nothing to blog about right now. So. Bear with me.

The month of January was the month that I planned to be full of travel. We ventured off to Melbourne (which was awesomeee), then Jakarta, which as y'all know by now, left me with a strong aversion to this thing we call rain. Holidays are great! I feel rested, rejuvenated and etc etc.

Going back to work was a struggle. It was not so much that I don't like my job, I do like what I do for a living. It was a struggle of adapting to a new routine. You know, the routine whereby I wake up early every day and then go to work. Yeah, that routine went out the window during the holiday and easing myself into it was just, for lack of my ability to pick a different word, hard.

I said this line over and over again to myself everyday: the best time to go to the gym is when you don't feel like that (in the absence of physical pain, of course). And in the past week or so, I skipped the gym more often than I actually go (went to the gym 3 out of 7 days). On the days I did not go, I just could not be bothered waking up when my alarm is telling to wake up. I am usually besties with my alarm clock, we try to beat each other every morning as to who can wake up earlier - and I usually win, by like 2 minutes. However, as is the case in every friendship/relationship, sometimes you have to let the other party win, right? Yeah sure. That's what I told myself anyway. My alarm clock is probably offended that I choose sleep over it.

What the fuck is happening to me? Surely, this is normal right? Any other person who has been on a holiday would feel this way too right? Because it is like we have to adapt to a new routine all over again, and it's like, whaaaattt... you want me to wake up early, go running and then go to work? Can we skip something here? Since it's the first thing that I skipped, I subsequently had no time for the second thing and was lucky to be just in time for the third. I swear it is not that I am avoiding exercise, although given my track record, you could be forgiven for thinking that.

But there are moments during which I feel weak because I succumbed to the temptation of sleeping in. I feel weak because of enough things during the course of my life, and I want to not feel weak whenever I can help it, and this is definitely one of the things that I know I can help, so why is it so fucking hard to stick to the routine? The routine that was working fine since mid October through mid January... man, starting to develop this habit is even harder than developing the habit in the first place. You know how we have muscle memory? Do we also have habit memory? Can someone, anyone, answer this?