Tuesday 30 July 2013

Soul mates

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. - Elizabeth Gilbert; Eat, Pray, Love, p 149.

Is it possible to have a few soul mates? Because it feels like I have one for this one time, and then that person leaves, and that's ok, because another person becomes it, and the cycle goes on. I have never thought of one as the one person that is going to stick around forever, although it is nice when they do. Those people are eventually given the labels friends by me. I will admit that it is hard to replace history, if only for the mere fact that I don't have to explain to you what happened then, I could just use the phrase "remember that time?".

And from those who left, some come back, and it is awesome for most of the time. This is why we insist on space, don't we? So that we can, like, grow, you know, in our own terms and our own schedule. And it's not like we can't grow together, of course we can, but it's more like our growth rates are independent of each other. You being in my life has been a catalyst for my growth, and hopefully vice versa, but you, yourself, cannot make me grow. That is something that I have to do myself, because there is no other way around it. I can't short-cut the process and neither can you. We all wish we could, but some lessons take time, and most of the time, growing takes time. And sometimes, despite the best of intentions, growing doesn't happen.

We are back to square one, at a different space, on a different time.  

Tuesday 23 July 2013

The things you do to better yourself

So, I received a phone call today from the Heart Foundation (NSW), thanking me for the fundraising page that I setup for the City2Surf run.

Yes peeps, I am running the City2Surf.

Yes, it is my first time running.

Yes, I am still regretting my decision to run. Like really, seriously. I find it hard to get out of bed and train these days. I blame the cold weather.

Yes, would really love your monetary support. I am not kidding when I tell you that support and encouragement is accepted in the form of something monetary. Either that or you buy me new shoes ok. Just this time, I am willing to forgo the shoes for your support for the Heart Foundation (NSW).

I didn't expect the phone call to be quite honest. I imagine that a lot of people must be raising funds for them. They are what I call by complete strangers, I don't know anyone associated with the foundation and I quite frankly picked them out randomly.

I mean, really, the other alternative is to run for the MS foundation, again, another one picked at random. Maybe next year. I really shouldn't have said that because I do not wisht to pre-commit myself to something that I am increasingly dreading by the minute.

My bestfriend, Jo, the ever supportive loving friend that she is, is giving me $2 for every kilometer, plus a $2 tip. You can tell that she's an accountant, right? You can also tell why she's my bestfriend, yes?

Anyhoo. Click here https://city2surf2013.everydayhero.com/au/drbelle

And then click "Give Now", okay.

Thanks in advance.

You are not obliged to have sex

To all the single women out there: you are not obliged to have sex with men who paid for your dinner/lunch/dates/movies/whatever.

That's pretty much basically what I want to say in this post.

I am sick and tired of men who paid for dates and consequently expect the women to have sex with them. It is so insincere of you to pay for something in exchange of sexual favours. If that's really what you were after, there are prostitutes that you can do the exchange with. You are not a nice person. What the fuck happen to sincerity?

In case you are wondering why I am writing this, it is because of some of the males that I do know in real life who share their "dating" stories with me. The inverted commas are there because they would never classify these stories as dating stories, more like... just stories.

I get that everyone, given the option, would choose to be nice over something else. I don't know what it is about the label nice, but it is so friggin' attractive that it is hard not to choose that label. We all want to be nice people because we like nice people. Nasty people, not so much, obviously, because they are nasty people. Nice people on the other hand, they make us feel good. Either they look nice, or they smell nice, or they say nice things, or they do nice things, or whatever else that makes them nice, we like them because they are nice.

Nothing wrong with that. I am hopelessly attracted to people who dress nicely and have been in danger of falling down and hitting a pole (literally) just because I turn my head a little too long. I can't help but look at nicely dressed people because to me, they are nice. I can totally understand if you stare at me a little too long for your liking, however, when our eyes meet, please, at least give me the courtesy of a little smile. So that you don't appear so creepy.

One of these guys told me a story that sticks to my head months, or even years, after the story has been told. It goes like this: guy met a girl online. Guy finally got a chance to meet girl. Guy was (and still is) a lot richer than girl and had subsequently been funding her life in one way or another. They spent a lot of time together, dinner, dates, sex. Girl was a virgin, by the way, but was old enough to have sex.

The next day, he told me the story, and after one too many stories like this one, I asked the question that I had always wanted to ask: how do you sleep at night.

I get that there is this off chance that I probably shouldn't have asked that question, but I did ask the question and I forgot to give the usual escape option of "you don't have to answer if you don't want to". That resulted in an answer that was, to his credit, an honest one. His reasoning was along the lines of: I paid for her schooling, her plane tickets, hotel, dinners, etc etc etc, so it was natural for us to have sex. And I am still paying for her education.

Granted that I do not have the liberty to ask for the girl's point of view in these series of exchanges, but tell if what he said was not along the lines of "I am a nice guy, therefore I deserve sex."

Before we go, let me just conclude with this: I do not have a problem with guys who want sex. I just wish they do not disguise their motives under some supposedly "nice" deed and then justify themselves as a nice person afterwards. A nice person is someone who is sincere, and when you expect or demand something in return, I am not sure that exactly qualifies as nice. I KNOW that a nice person would reciprocate a good deed, but this does not mean the reciprocation is demanded.

Tuesday 16 July 2013

The things that define us

Are you defined by your career?

When people ask me "what do you do?" - and trust me, that question comes up pretty often whenever I meet someone new - I find it easier to tell them what I spend most of my time doing. If I really think about whether it is really what I do, the answer is somewhat not so accurate any more. This is not about me being dishonest; rather this is about choosing the socially-expected answer. Plus it is also easier to explain, and it is also less overwhelming, or in other words, acceptable.

Am I defined by it? I don't know. Does it influence my lifestyle? Yes - because it dictates how I spend my time. But doing it in the first place is my choice, so it is not like I have to do it, it is more I want to do it. I have said this before, I actually like it a lot more than I confessed to. There are good moments, there are mundane ones, and it's ok because to me, it is pretty close to perfect for now. And yes, I am very grateful each and every day for this.

Are you defined by your major/school?

I am a doctor, but not the kind that medically helps people. I used to borrow Randy Pauch's mom's line of "not the kind that helps people" that initially brought a lot of laughter on my friends' faces, but over time, it stopped being a joke; it ceased being perceived as funny by the people that matters to me. Needless to say, they not only stopped laughing, but they got marginally offended. Reason being, it was not true; helping people is not confined within the medical sense: "of course you help people, just not in the medical sense."

The same people gave me (and some still do) give a lot of frowns as to why I am not on the conventional, "expected" career path for doctors (if there's such a thing). Why work so hard on attaining something that you end up not pursuing? That, or something along those lines, is the question that everyone has been asking. Some of them even said "but you are so good at it" - and I think this is because they were being nice, encouraging, concerned - all of the above. I never gave any proper explanation - until today. Because of this, a lot of people wrote me off as a spoilt brat with a strong sense of entitlement who could not commit to anything and could not decide what she wants. Yeap. Typical Gen-Y.

The reason I never gave any proper explanation is because I got the impression that as much as these people matter to me (and care about me), the real reason behind the question is merely their curiosity. Nothing wrong with that, of course, it is natural to be curious. Because I got such impression, I never felt the need to explain myself to anyone. Actually, that's not true. I explained myself to one person, and that is, yeap, myself. And no, I am not willing to share this explanation just yet. Maybe one day I will. Maybe, just maybe.

Back to the question - am I defined by my major and/or my schooling to date. The answer is leaning towards yes. I am happy that I underwent those years and persisted through the highest level of education attainable. I could have gone further towards post-doctoral years, but decided not to, and no regrets here. The great thing about being a doctor is that the foundations of my research skills are established during those years and this is a great tool to have in living life in general. Of course there are other skills that are useful and have made my life easier outside the classroom, such as, time management and stress management. Having a good foundation for these skills gives me the confidence to live life and face whatever may come. I mean, one of the most useful skills we can have is learning skill, because that quite literally means, you can learn to do anything, even when you've never encountered it previously. Things change, all the time, and we gotta equip ourselves with an ability to adapt to these changes (otherwise we become stagnant and irrelevant).

As to the fact that I got intimate with financial reports and accounting standards - well, that's just icing on the cake :-)

Are you defined by your (romantic) relationship?  

You know when people say that they know someone who loses him/herself every time he/she is in a new relationship? I always wonder why it is easier to spot it in other people rather than to spot it in ourselves. Because I think the answer to this question is almost always a resounding yes. I mean, if there is one person whose opinion matters quite a lot to me, then this person I am in a relationship with would be that person. Quite thankfully, he seems to think the best of me, especially when I am incapable of thinking that about myself. To have someone who loves you like that is pretty awesome. And yes, I got very very lucky in this department.

It is not a bad thing, no, to be defined by your relationship? Not defined in the 100% sense, but at least letting it have some influence in your life. Like your free time is not just about you and your friends any more, that it takes effort to synchronise your schedules so that you can spend quality time together. To have this one person in your life who matters so much, who loves you that much more than anyone else, whose opinion, undeniably, would influence your decisions that much more. I hate hate hate to admit this, but of course, your relationship changes you. It brings forth a new array of old familiar things that are experienced as new over and over again.

Are you defined by your friendships?

The friends that we have in this life time are very likely to be seasonal friends. They are some friends that we've been friends with for a long, long time, and these friendships have survived the seasons. They are very likely to have been tested and the bonds that we have with these people are something that we cherish on a regular basis, usually over a meal and one too many glasses of alcohol, some conversation of  a random topic that turns deep, somehow, and a great deal of exercising of listening skills. Yes, these are the friends and the friendships that define us. The friends who are workaholic to the core that we love anyway because we do see ourselves in them. The friends who are definitely not perfect, but we love anyway, for reasons that we are yet to comprehend, and as such, probably will never articulate. These are the people who drive us nuts, but we love them anyway precisely because they drive us nuts.

From these people we learn what it really means to love. From these people we learn what time really means. When we ask them "how are you", we would hear something more than the usual, polite "I am fine, thanks", we would instantly hear the new things that they've been up to, or the things that have been bugging them. When we ask "how was your weekend", we really want to know what they were up to. These are the people that we deem as worth knowing. 

Are you defined by money?
You do know that because this is my blog, this discussion is going to come up. I think a lot of people are defined by money but these people would never admit this in a million years. This is because for some reason, we as a society think that it is not good to be defined by money. But money does define us, to a certain degree. Back in the day when we were struggling students, our food budget was like err... $30 a week, and that's being generous. Most of us spend most of that money in the pub on Friday night when happy hour is on, while surviving on instant noodles the rest of the time. And now that we are working adults, we hopefully have more money and we would spend these funds differently. Well, for some of us, we still spend most of them in the pub, albeit the pubs are now funkier and subsequently charge a higher margin. Some of us inflate our food budget to include funky restaurants and the like while some of us dive straight into designer clothes. (Ok, some of us dive straight into the equity and property markets.)

Do you not feel good when there is money in your bank account? Maybe you don't see it that way but imagine, just imagine, if your bank account balance is displayed as close to zero, or even in the red, how would you feel when that happens? Yes, of course there are a lot of things in this life that money cannot buy, but there are a lot that money can buy.

[This writing falls under the general heading of what people would talk about if they would openly admit to the fact that life is actually hard and requires constant effort on our part to ensure that we are living the best life that we want to. Somewhere along the lines, we fall in love with the idea that life is supposed to be easy because we see life's representation in the media (all various forms of them) as beautiful, and seemingly easy. We got it into our heads that we are princesses living in invisible castles and we started to believe that we are beautiful not because of our efforts and merits but merely out of the power of our beliefs. While this blind faith is useful at times, I believe that at the end of the day, we have to be practical, otherwise, we will be spectators in our own lives, instead of being good drivers.] 

Thursday 11 July 2013

#ThrowbackThursday: Another one from my personal archive

I have been battling a cold in the past few days. It's like I escaped the flood to much drier lands, and promptly got sick as my body's way of just releasing all the stress hormones that had been accumulating prior to landing in Sydney. This, coupled with homesickness, equals resting, in bed for most of the time. Yesterday I felt strong enough for a fried chicken feed and life got infinitely better ever since.

Being sick meant I had too much time in my hands to do ... absolutely nothing. It is a weird feeling and while this was exactly what I intended to do while I was in Jakarta, it is somehow rather odd doing that in Sydney. I am perpetually grateful being here where it is dry and currently not too hot, and my apartment is comfortable; and needless to say, the presence of both my laptop and internet meant I have that constant desire to work. I am a workaholic after all, and workaholics don't switch off when they can switch on.

But I did switch off since I landed and I intend to remain in this state for a few more days, after which I will be back full swing and enjoying life differently than I am now. Something to look forward to.

*
I can't stop thinking about ... life. That's perhaps one of the most terrible ways to describe it, and I am out of words to even begin to explain my thoughts. Here I am in Sydney, feeling comfortable, there are moments whereby I feel luxurious, not because I have a maid to attend to me, but because I have running hot water.

Does it bother me that I am so comfortable here while the majority of Jakarta's inhabitants were eating out of a common kitchen (dapur umum) and could not go back home? A little bit. I do feel guilty, a little bit. Then I realise that me feeling guilty is not contributing to the betterness of the situation, so I made the decision to stop feeling so and start focusing on the things in my life that I do enjoy. The things that I get to enjoy, first and foremost because I won the genetic lottery (to which I have no say to), and all the subsequent blessings ever since. But does it bother me to see that there are people who work harder than me and are less fortunate than me?

The last time I spoke about this topic, I got into trouble, and because of that I am now very reluctant to talk about this again. I am human, I do have a heart, and I do feel guilty occasionally. Then again, this is life and I do not have a say on a lot of things in this life, including the state of the world and the fact that some economies collapsed (or on the brink of collapsing) and that a lot of people are hungry or are poor. I can be one of those people who devote their lives to a course towards the betterment of the world, but I am not that way inclined, so much so that I know that I am going to get depressed if I were to live my life that way. A depressed me is not going to be useful to the world, so I choose to keep myself happy instead.

Let's face it, my sphere of influence is limited.

Plus, I am selfish. A lot of the things that I do are geared towards improving myself and the people around me, and not so much the world. I try not to do so at the expense of deterioration of the world, so I recycle and what not, you know, the stuff that we all do here in the land of Oz.

It annoyed me when people say something along the lines of "you grew up privileged, therefore you do not know hardship/how hard some people have to live/etc". It is not so much because I do not know hardship, perhaps it is true I don't know hardship at all, I never spend a day feeling hungry or not having enough to eat.  It is more because for the life that I have right now, I do work hard for it. None of these things come easy for me. English is my second language and I spent the last eighteen years perfecting my communication in this language and even so, I still make mistakes, some errors are blatantly obvious, requiring numerous corrections by various people, only to be repeated the next time I said the same thing. That is a daily battle, for me. Because I am a perfectionist like that I want to be able to articulate my thoughts exactly as I think them. Because I am rather judgemental when I see an arrogant person flaunting their wealth while not being able to speak English properly, especially if they live in a country whose national language is English. [CHILL people, this is directed for people who are (1) arrogant in (2) flaunting their wealth. If these two things do not apply to you, then this sentiment is not applicable to you. A lot of people (whose English is a second language) do not speak English perfectly. Stop being so sensitive.]

Anyway, back to the point. I grew up privileged. I work hard for my life. That work is hard for me, and its value is not negated by the mere fact that I grew up privileged. I mean, in this society, everyone is rooting for the underdog. Everyone wants the little guy to succeed. Everyone loves a transformation story. What about the guy with the upper hand?? It is not just the pressure to perform; it is the pressure to perform well.

I am still human. Running 5kms for me is the same as everyone else, ok, perhaps different because everyone else seems to be fitter than me, so they run faster. I occasionally run as hard and manage to pull of a personal best. Being stuck in the flood is the same for everyone, regardless of their social standing. You are surrounded by deep water, you have no food and no clean water. And you can't go anywhere unless you have a boat. Arguably, a richer person can pay his way out of the flood, compared to someone who has no means to get himself out of the flood, but trust me that either way it is still unpleasant, and it is not nice to write off the relatively well of person's feelings just because he is relatively well off.


Tuesday 9 July 2013

Superficiality, again


Between telling people to stop commenting on my weight and thinking about money in a way that apparently annoys quite a lot of people (because apparently, that particular way of thinking about money is afforded by someone who grew up with money, who have had no taste of what it's like having without), as well as telling people that I am superficial, that day finally arrives when I am called superficial to my face, or its variant, a snob, and spoilt brat.

Just to clarify, I am superficial. The biggest problem that I face on a daily basis is what to wear. And that's because most of the things in my wardrobe is too big for me. Or actually, that's probably second biggest. The biggest problem is running out of time to do all the things that I want to do. Admittedly , this is not because I don't have the time, but rather becase I try to cramp too many things into the 24 hours. Or maybe, that's not my biggest problem. My biggest problem is that I want to buy all of these shoes, and if I do, I have no where to put them, so I have to refrain from buying them.

Yes, I probably should've been thinking about worldly issues such as poverty or saving the environment. Oh please. I am not that way inclined. Yes, I am aware that fast fashion is bad for the planet, and that a lot of people gets exploited in the process, like the ones in Bangladesh. Yes, I do feel guilty hearing the news that the Bangladesh workers died in the collapse of the building. And when I looked at the labels of my clothes and they said "Made in Bangladesh", *gulp. I do feel absolutely bad.

It is not easy and there is no reconciliation for this. But here is the deal. I am human and I have feelings, so when I hear about something as mortifying as workers being forced to go into a building with numerous cracks, yes, I do feel sad because (1) they end up dead and (2) they had no choice but to walk into the building. This lack of freedom to choose their fate is painful for me to hear and accept. But that was what happened and that is the situation in Bangladesh and that there are people who profit from this kind of arrangement. The same arrangement probably exists in Indonesia and for all I know, I probably know some of these people. I have wined and dined with them while drowning our sorrows arising from the numerous issues that we face that are actually non-issues on the general scheme of things. But they are our issues and they exist nonetheless, albeit only in our world.

I get that we are not supposed to be too fixated on ourselves and our lives and that it is useful for us to broaden our perspective and our minds and you know, get more involved with the world because it will make us feel better, or so they say. I believe in the value of having a broad mind, but at the same time, I think, the reason that people go to therapy is not because they are dying from starvation but because they feel severely misunderstood. They just want someone, anyone, to acknowledge that they are experiencing pains from these so-called non-issues and that they want to get over those, and they just do not know how. So how about that, eh?

My biggest peeve in life (one of them) is when people trivialise my parents' divorce. Anyone who's been through a divorce would tell you how it impacts their lives and that this impact is on-going, despite our best efforts of managing them. We cannot eliminate it, for starters, and we can only do the best we can to deal with it given our current circumstances. For as long as we are still alive, it will continue to haunt us forever. So, parents out there, here is the deal: you get divorced, your kids suffer. The least you can do is to make life easier for them when they have to deal with the fact that you are divorced, which has got nothing to do with them, but affects them nonetheless. Try dealing with one thing in your life in which you have no control of but you are directly affected by both the process and the outcome and see whether you like that. See how you deal with that.

It is not easy, but hey, life goes on and I for one would like to make the most of my life. So I shall continue to dwell in the beautiful shoes there are out there and the beautiful people who wear them and continue wearing my clothes that were made in Bangladesh because I think wearing them till they are worn out is the best way I can possibly maximise the value inherent in the particular piece of clothing (however that's defined). I shall not be too depressed when I think about poverty and the fact that there is a widening gap between rich and poor because hey, I am going to contribute to the disability levy anyway, so there goes my contribution towards the betterment of society.

This is how I cope. And when you say that people cope differently, get this into your thick heads that this is how I cope. Is this right or is this wrong - who the fuck cares, except for the person directly involved, i.e. me. This works for me, this doesn't work for anyone else, I don't give a fucking shit, really. I am not here to solve all the problems in the world, just sharing particular aspects of my life, thankyouverymuch.

Thursday 4 July 2013

#ThrowbackThursday: From my personal archive

It has been almost a month since I am back in Sydney post that brief break in Jakarta. I can't help feeling that it is so ironic that I have not been back for like 4 years and only manage to spend 4 days there. So much for tasting and sampling the local cuisine. I still have craving for those long clams and giant prawns. And of course, fried chicken.

I haven't been writing much in this space because I don't have the time. I know that it is so ironic that I say this almost every time I write something here, but I do feel the need to tell you that it is hard to keep this up. The options are between living life or writing about life, and my choice is a no brainer.

***
I don't know what it is about Valentine's day, but there seems to be two trends that I saw: (1) people getting engaged and (2) people going through break-ups. I guess it sort of makes sense, that you would pick the day of love to declare your intention to love your significant other forever; and for the rest of the mere mortals who are coupled up and not on the same wavelength, well, they start evaluating their relationships and decide whether it is something they want or something they don't want, and in the latter case, they break up.

Break-ups are never easy. I have been through a few and they never get easier. And no, yours truly is still very much coupled up and was spoilt rotten with Valentine's gifts. I kind of like my current relationship the best out of any other relationship that I had. It is not so much that the men I was with weren't up to scratch, it was just that we were terrible matches. Most of them have moved on to be with other people, married with a child or two. Some have difficulties letting go and are still contacting me randomly. Go figure. No wonder we broke up.

One thing I learn though from all these break ups is that the true character of a man emerges after a break up, irrespective of whether he is the dumper or the dumpee. In fact, this goes on for both man and woman. The true character of a person emerges during a difficult circumstance, like a break up. Break ups tend to be emotionally stressful and they are, for lack of a better description, totally shit, so it is consequential that we get to see how someone handles this stress. Some withdraw, some lash out, some focus on letting go, some focus on making their exes' lives hell.

Eventually, we all need to let go of something that is not meant to be. I get that it is hard to let go of something you love so terribly and you could not comprehend how something so beautiful is not a meant to be, but things happen for a reason. Let it go and move on. Eventually we all have to move on, so we may as well focus our efforts on moving on. The sooner it happens, the better, right? At least we think that to make ourselves feel better. In reality, it is more likely that it is something that we can't rush, we need to make the mistake, learn from it and then move on, with the hope of not making the same mistake again.

Recently, I have been talking to a friend who's been through a break up, whereby he effectively dumped his then girlfriend. The hard truth about his decision is that it was a hard decision and it was emotionally taxing on him. The decision was honest, he stayed true to himself and what he wanted from life and these desires do not coincide with his then girlfriend's and obviously neither of them were willing to compromise, so the union had to end. He was devastated. I am pretty sure she was devastated too. Sometimes the truth can be difficult to face and live with, but it just so happened that at that point in time, they were not a good match. Of course there is always that hope that they can be a good match in the future, but who knows what the future brings.

That gets me wondering, at what point do you make that decision to break up and pursue something else? At what point do you assert and insist on the things that you want in your life? At the point that you are extremely unhappy and miserable? What if you don't know how miserable you really are because ... you don't know that you can be this happy?

I might sound some what dramatically melancholy right now, but I can't stop thinking about how much our decision affects our lives, and at the same time, there is this thing that we call fate and destiny and that no matter which path we choose, we would always come back to that one thing, no matter how hard we try to run. And the sooner we accept this, the more at peace we would be with the life that we are in and the destination we are going towards, and our efforts can be focused on getting there, not necessarily sooner, but just getting there, you know.

Tuesday 2 July 2013

What it really means

There comes a time in your life whereby you have done every single thing that you could have possibly thought about, and exhausted all of your options, not so much because you can influence a particular outcome that you so desperately want, but because if you do not go through the distance, you would not be able to sleep at night knowing that you've done everything possible to influence this outcome.

The outcome that you have no control of, and if you really consider it carefully, you have no influence whatsoever.Quite literally one of those things that you have to leave to this thing called fate. Destiny. Whatever.

This is a very painful, painful period that causes endless worries and endless stress and one that you wish you can just forget for a single minute and just walk away, even for a little while, except that, you can't. Not so much because it follows you but because you just cannot let go even when you know should.

Some people call it procrastination, others call it indecisiveness. I call it, a reluctance to grow up.

They always say that growing up is optional. Growing old happens with time, like every single second of every single day. There's no denying this, this happens with breathing. Then there's this thing called growing up. And that's apparently optional.

Okay. I never quite understood this in its absolute truth because I think everyone changes every day, and part of this change is surely about growing up, right? Right? I'd like to believe this for as long as I could until the day comes that I was proven wrong.

And I have been proven wrong so many times - usually by people who actually older than me. The oldest person who proved me wrong is a good eighteen years older than me and successfully earned him the title "the biggest loser" in the literal sense of the word, not the weight loss championship kind.

I am not an expert on growing up, in fact, I don't think anyone is, really. Some people are really good at growing up while others are just completely hopeless at it. Some people jump at the chance of growing up, even when they may not necessarily realise that it was indeed a chance to grow up. But these people are genuinely excited with the prospect of change and embrace change when it comes their way. In fact, some of them are so keen on change that they are willing to facilitate change in their lives. Change, when induced voluntarily, is often more exciting, more fulfilling, more satisfying by the mere virtue that you get to be the change agent in your own life. It makes you feel like you are in control of your destiny - at least a lil bit, you know.

Why is it so hard to live by the values that we really truly honestly believe in? These are not the values that other people or society deem as important, but the ones that you've figured out as important, and you happen to be the odd one out in this scenario. It is like everyone always says that money doesn't make you happy. I think this is an overgeneralisation of two kinds of people (1) ones who are rich and unhappy or (2) ones who are naturally unhappy. For most people in this planet, money does make them happy, to a certain extent. It is certainly not the answer to everything, but it does answer something. I am view that people who have money and are still miserable do not know how to spend their money. Again, once they find out how to spend their money in a way that makes them happy, they will cease being miserable, at least for a while. The mere fact of spending their money is not going to make them perpetually happy, but it would make them happy for a while. Now that I think about this, I find it rather offensive that when it comes to money, people expect it to be the solver of every problem in this planet, like it has to bring them perpetual happiness before it can be labelled as "bringing happiness". I don't think there is any other object in this planet which has been given this heavy label to bear on a daily basis.

It's like this: if you don't like the colour orange, it does not mean that the rest of the population dislike the colour orange. If you don't like the colour orange, it does not mean that you hate the fruit orange. If you don't like the colour orange, it means exactly that, you.do.not.like.the.colour.orange thankyouverymuch. You would not spend time to explain yourself as to why you don't like the colour orange nor would you be convincing others to share your views so that they too would dislike the colour orange. So why is that when it comes to money (or insert any other "important" thing here, like career, or gasp, life!), we spend so much time convincing other people to share our views? Why is this suddenly so important?

I appreciate that there are people out there who are willing to share their views, and most bloggers out there actually do present their personal views on a lot of things. This is part of the reason that I actually read other blogs. I get to see a different side of my friends that I would otherwise not see. Our blogs open discussions about things we otherwise would not talk about, things, in my opinion, that are somewhat important to talk about, like money, rent, bills, mortgage, career, aspirations bla bla bla. Adult stuff, you know.

But I do not believe that to be friends we have to agree with each other all the time. To be friends, we have to make time for each other most of the time, and if you can't or won't make time for me, then I am not so sure that we are friends. Or perhaps, this is just my definition of friendship, and subsequently cannot be generalised to everyone's definition of friendship. Thus, if you want to adopt this definition, just make sure that it is consistent with how you view your life. And that goes for everything that I write about in this blog.