Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Superficiality, again

Between telling people to stop commenting on my weight and thinking about money in a way that apparently annoys quite a lot of people (because apparently, that particular way of thinking about money is afforded by someone who grew up with money, who have had no taste of what it's like having without), as well as telling people that I am superficial, that day finally arrives when I am called superficial to my face, or its variant, a snob, and spoilt brat.

Just to clarify, I am superficial. The biggest problem that I face on a daily basis is what to wear. And that's because most of the things in my wardrobe is too big for me. Or actually, that's probably second biggest. The biggest problem is running out of time to do all the things that I want to do. Admittedly , this is not because I don't have the time, but rather becase I try to cramp too many things into the 24 hours. Or maybe, that's not my biggest problem. My biggest problem is that I want to buy all of these shoes, and if I do, I have no where to put them, so I have to refrain from buying them.

Yes, I probably should've been thinking about worldly issues such as poverty or saving the environment. Oh please. I am not that way inclined. Yes, I am aware that fast fashion is bad for the planet, and that a lot of people gets exploited in the process, like the ones in Bangladesh. Yes, I do feel guilty hearing the news that the Bangladesh workers died in the collapse of the building. And when I looked at the labels of my clothes and they said "Made in Bangladesh", *gulp. I do feel absolutely bad.

It is not easy and there is no reconciliation for this. But here is the deal. I am human and I have feelings, so when I hear about something as mortifying as workers being forced to go into a building with numerous cracks, yes, I do feel sad because (1) they end up dead and (2) they had no choice but to walk into the building. This lack of freedom to choose their fate is painful for me to hear and accept. But that was what happened and that is the situation in Bangladesh and that there are people who profit from this kind of arrangement. The same arrangement probably exists in Indonesia and for all I know, I probably know some of these people. I have wined and dined with them while drowning our sorrows arising from the numerous issues that we face that are actually non-issues on the general scheme of things. But they are our issues and they exist nonetheless, albeit only in our world.

I get that we are not supposed to be too fixated on ourselves and our lives and that it is useful for us to broaden our perspective and our minds and you know, get more involved with the world because it will make us feel better, or so they say. I believe in the value of having a broad mind, but at the same time, I think, the reason that people go to therapy is not because they are dying from starvation but because they feel severely misunderstood. They just want someone, anyone, to acknowledge that they are experiencing pains from these so-called non-issues and that they want to get over those, and they just do not know how. So how about that, eh?

My biggest peeve in life (one of them) is when people trivialise my parents' divorce. Anyone who's been through a divorce would tell you how it impacts their lives and that this impact is on-going, despite our best efforts of managing them. We cannot eliminate it, for starters, and we can only do the best we can to deal with it given our current circumstances. For as long as we are still alive, it will continue to haunt us forever. So, parents out there, here is the deal: you get divorced, your kids suffer. The least you can do is to make life easier for them when they have to deal with the fact that you are divorced, which has got nothing to do with them, but affects them nonetheless. Try dealing with one thing in your life in which you have no control of but you are directly affected by both the process and the outcome and see whether you like that. See how you deal with that.

It is not easy, but hey, life goes on and I for one would like to make the most of my life. So I shall continue to dwell in the beautiful shoes there are out there and the beautiful people who wear them and continue wearing my clothes that were made in Bangladesh because I think wearing them till they are worn out is the best way I can possibly maximise the value inherent in the particular piece of clothing (however that's defined). I shall not be too depressed when I think about poverty and the fact that there is a widening gap between rich and poor because hey, I am going to contribute to the disability levy anyway, so there goes my contribution towards the betterment of society.

This is how I cope. And when you say that people cope differently, get this into your thick heads that this is how I cope. Is this right or is this wrong - who the fuck cares, except for the person directly involved, i.e. me. This works for me, this doesn't work for anyone else, I don't give a fucking shit, really. I am not here to solve all the problems in the world, just sharing particular aspects of my life, thankyouverymuch.

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