Tuesday, 10 September 2013

The bigger person

One of the things that I often catch myself saying is this: why can't people just be normal? This would've been fine if I actually know what normal really is, except that, I think, the only definition I have is what is normal to me.

I get that the rest of the world may not always agree on my perceptions of reality, or my opinions on irrelevant things, however, there must be a certain standard of normalcy that is widely acceptable in all parts of society, which goes beyond saying thank you after someone has done something nice, unexpectedly or not, for you. Or is it just so happen that the people that I hang out with on a regular basis just exist on a different level altogether such that what we consider as normal is considered as ... beyond normal to the general population.

In that case, I am not normal to everyone else, but I am most normal in the spaces that I spend most of my time in, and because I am biased towards liking myself a lot, I take it as well, a good thing to me. Besides, if in this life you are not concerned with (1) how you feel about yourself and (2) how those who care about you feel about you, then I am not sure how you would derive good feelings about yourself. (Sorry, this is terribly articulated, so please, fill the gaps with your logic.)

So then, who we are as people is partially dependent on the people that we hang out with because these people define what is normal for us to exist in this particular continuum. Like it or not, we are somewhat a reflection of our friends, or people we hang out with. In this respect, I get lucky. I have the best of company.

Take for example this particular situation. I was annoyed about something up to the point that I had to tell someone about it. So I tell Person A, who told me to be the bigger person, which I followed because I actually agreed that it was the best course of action... until the next time that I encounter a pretty much similar shit that annoyed me in the first place. Real life re-enactments of things that shit me are just beyond annoying. For some reason I am yet to comprehend, instead of telling Person A, I ended up telling Person B, who happened to be there and most of the time were not exactly privy to information I told Person A. So Person B's default response is for me to be the bigger person. It would take a bit of encouragement and I usually relented and agreed to be the bigger person again. But this doesn't matter to Person B since in his mind, I am just being the bigger person, period.

In retrospect, this is actually good because, oh well, anything that can assist me to be the bigger person is useful, right. However, I am not that nice a person and by the time it's count three, I make no promises that I will continue to exhibit the well-edited characteristics of a bigger person. There's always the raw version, the one that involves you actually standing up for yourself, if I am bothered. Most of the time, I am not. Because once it gets to this stage, in my opinion, that person is not worthy of my time and efforts.

I am writing all of these because I realise that the friends that I do have these days are the people that I can be honest with; the kind of people with whom I don't have to edit my thoughts with. As it is right now, these are rare, and I am grateful. I am also grateful that their default position is to tell me to be the bigger person. But boy oh boy, being the bigger is hard work.

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