Thursday, 17 April 2014

... in which I conclude that I am superficial

[At the time of writing] I ate too much yesterday. April is definitely the month whereby people I love is celebrating their birthdays so I've been busy taking them out for food. When I go out to eat, I have a tendency to pick the place that serves huge servings of food, because I am one of those people who are perpetually hungry. Post eating, talking and laughing, it would be a given that we left feeling stuffed to the brim, and ... happy. That was bound to happen. We were hungry, we ate, we talked, we laughed, of course we were happy.

But this is not a post about how to be happy, there is a plethora of materials out there on the topic. Whilst I consider myself happy in general and often find myself in the company of some really happy people out there, I do not believe that by simply being happy makes us experts in happiness. I do not know how exactly it all started, you know, all those people claiming to be happiness gurus because they have written somewhere "how to be happy" as if it is one secret of life that you have to discover before you can be actually happy. It doesn't work like that. Happiness is not something you can easily throw your money to in exchange for an ever-lasting version. But perhaps, you can keep on purchasing temporary high-es and you can fool yourself into thinking that you are perpetually happy.

Happiness is a good feeling, and in a life whereby we are all conditioned to feel, given the choice, of course we all want to feel good most of the time. Of course we are all searching for happiness, or chasing happiness or whatever verb you like to choose - we all like to think that we are working extremely hard in the manifestations of our happiness. And for some of us, that thought alone is enough to sustain our happiness; that at least, we are doing something about it.

In their quest for happiness, the people I love are seriously considering finding that other someone to, you know, spend their lives with on a regular basis. This is no easy feat, as some of us may attest to. Yet it is definitely rewarding, so it is definitely worth doing. I was a non-believer previously and neatly scoffed when someone told me that being with someone [who is the right person] is better than being alone. Love can be so painful for those who do not believe. If you were to ask me how I find the right person, the answer is that I don't know; just because I have found someone whom I think is the right person doesn't mean that I know how to find the right person for others. It doesn't give me any expertise or authority on the subject. It only gives me experience, and perspective. I do not know what the formula for success is. I do not know how the universe decides to align all those factors for that union to happen. I do not know what I have done to deserve such good fortune. All I know is that I am very, very lucky.

Nonetheless, this journey of finding the right person is so personal to each individual that it is dangerous trying to generalise one person's perspective, experience and failures. I get that there are general characteristics that are exhibited by the different sexes in this planet, and that said, every person needs to be comprehended based on his/her own individuality. So, first and foremost, get to know this person that you want to be close with. Second, and this often happens as a secondary effect, you would get to know yourself a little bit better.

Case in point is this - I have always known that I am attracted to beautiful people, I mean, who isn't? And while I like to think that I am not that superficial, I am well aware that I can be perceived as someone who is. I can't help the fact that I am friends with beautiful people, because well, okay, my friends are beautiful, at least in my eyes (and that is all that matters to me, as in I don't really care about what other people think about us). Over the years, I have copped quite a mouthful from a number of people who said something along the lines of: are you only friends with beautiful people?

Honestly, is it so wrong that the answer to that question is a yes? I regard my friends are beautiful because they are good people, they are kind, loving, understanding and their presence always makes me feel better. Which is also why they are my friends. The fact that they are physically attractive is just an icing on the cake. I don't know what it is, I always find that people with good hearts tend to be somewhat physically attractive too. Perhaps it is true that inner beauty does shine through. As for the fact that we invest a lot of time into our physical appearance, that is just a hobby.

Physical appearance is a rather odd thing. It can be so offensive without any intention from the part of the individual to do so. I admit that when I every time I go out of the house, I would dress myself in a way that shows respect to the people I am about to meet. As in, I would not go out in my pjs. As in, I would put something decent on so as not to accidentally offend someone in the process. [Side note: whenever I wear my shorts, I always offend a stranger or two, mostly women. Bitch, seriously.]

Like it or not, physical appearance is the first point of judgment. When we are physically attracted to someone (a stranger), we want to get to know them.This is particularly true when you are in the journey of finding a potential life partner; this trend of lack of initial physical attraction is a deal breaker for a lot of people. I get that physically attractive guys have the ability to make their opposite counterparts weak at their knees, so they get an advantage purely thanks to their good genes (and healthy eating and exercise habits). Yet I would like to think that just because a guy is physically attractive, does not automatically make him attractive to me because well, you know people say beauty fades and all that?

So, superficial as I may come across, perhaps I don't place that much of an importance to physical attraction after all. Or perhaps I do, and I am in deep, deep denial. This makes me think about early days of dating with (then) le boyf (now husb). Basically I am shit at remembering a lot of things about my relationship (I suffer from the rosy introspection bias). I almost resorted to asking le husb about this whole physical attraction thing. But then, given that I would be the one asking the question, then I would have thought that he would say yes. I mean, uh, okay, there is always that possibility that he doesn't say yes, and if that were to happen, then I am pretty sure that I would feel really really shit. I can't help it, okay. I am shallow like that.

What I am trying to say is this: I get that physical attraction is a big part of the whole attraction thing, but surely, it is not the only thing that sustains the attraction? Let's face it, we are all edging one second closer to death, and that pretty much means we are subjected to this thing called aging. Last I check, aging is not exactly physically-enhancing. So why do we place so much emphasis on physical attraction.

AND, what does that mean to people who are not physically attractive? Gawd, don't give me this thing about how everyone is beautiful in their own way. There are some people who are not physically attractive and that is a statement of fact, not just on my part but on everyone's part. After all, for every person that you find good looking, you would find at least another one who is not.

Anyone want to help me reconcile this? Other than to tell me that I am completely, totally and abso-fuckin-lutely superficial? I'll be on Twitter. If you don't want to, that's okay, because there is instagram and my other blog, in which I engage in a whole lot more superficial stuff. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Put your real names to your voices. Anonymity is so overrated.

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.