!!!

Every blogger's nightmare. It happened to me.

You know when you are ready to hit publish and then it all just... disappeared into cyberspace.

Le sigh.

Plus it was hard to write while blowing my nose every thirty seconds. All the sentences, all the train of thoughts were rudely interrupted by my needs to breathe.

I ran the JP all the way through. Goal accomplished.

It was raining before we started running. I did not bring a jumper. I promptly caught a cold. Thus the blowing my nose every thirty seconds.

I am now going to consume more meds and then go to bed.

Your most important asset

Sometime this year (or was it late last year?), my Dad decided to join the peeps in the 21st century and got himself a Blackberry (which I paid for). This pretty much explains why I still use my crackberry, despite endless people telling me to get an iphone. Yeah, I get that there's Whatsapp or whatever. 

Anyhoo, back to Dad. I love this man very much although I have to say he drives me nuts at the most unexpected times. In his older age, he has been imparting bits and pieces of knowledge that he disguises as some form of parable, or maybe the parable has always been there, and he likes it and he forwarded it on to me. Any other person in this planet who does this to me (similar to people forwarding useless shit via email) would just get ignored by me. But somehow, the fact that it's Dad makes all the difference. 

So I am going to write down here a few things that stick on my mind. 

My favourite to date is the one about a man who works as a logger. He works and works and works and notices that his productivity is declining over time. The harder he works, the less trees he gets to lodge in a day. Finally his boss told him to take a break so that he can sharpen his axe. 

There are two things that make this a favourite - one is this is very close to home, I grew up in a place whereby wood was one of the prevalent industries. Two is the timing, I got this just before I left for Bangkok. It has been almost a month and I am still missing that place. 

Another is the one I got this morning, which is an impartation of the words of the Dalai Lama. He said the most weird creature in this planet is human. Human sacrifices his health in his acquisition of money, and sacrifices his money in an attempt to regain his health. Human is so worried about tomorrow that he forgets to live in the present moment. Human forgets that he arrived in this world with nothing and will leave with nothing. Whatever that we have right now, is merely something borrowed. Moral of the story: be grateful for what you have today. Don't be proud of material accomplishments for the real price of those things are often unseen. Don't worry about the future, it is yet to come. 

This one is a favourite because recently I keep hearing stories about my close friends and my Dad's close friends being diagnosed with various illnesses - some of which have no cure as of yet. There are various other parables that Dad shared along the lines of taking care of your health because it is your true wealth, but this one brings home the point nicely. The luckiest person in this planet is one who is healthy. And if he has love, then that's pretty awesome. And money and wealth - that's just a bonus. 

You know, it is not like I don't know these things. Of course, I know. The point is that, I forget sometimes, and it is nice to be reminded of the things that truly matter. 

Today, I am grateful for my health. Given that I have not been exactly focusing on it, I am happy that I am in a pretty good shape (age probably has a lot to do with it). Last night, my other half told me that he is curious to know what cholesterol level is because of the plethora of fried food that I consume (significantly less now, come on, fried chicken is like once a week?). 

I am also happy that I have not put on weight from all the running I've been doing. The carb-cravings are still there and are present at the most annoying, most inappropriate times, I can't exactly ignore these and I don't want to succumb to temptation, so I am in this weird state of acknowledging them while at the same time fighting them as they happen. (When I say carb-cravings, I am referring to fries, pancakes, char kway teow and the like. I get my carb intake from fruits and vegetables, which I never crave.)

 Running is not easy, it is in fact, very difficult for me. These days, every time I run, I focus on the fact that I can run, albeit on the slow side, and I am trying to enjoy this fact. Or in other words, I will run while I still can, while my body is still able to do that, and I hope to maintain this form for many years to come. 

Minus the carb-cravings, preferably.  

Love is

In an attempt to simplify my life, I go by a few things that I think have been useful for me in focusing on the important things. One of those things is this: love is simple.

I totally get life can be complicated and everything else can be complicated, including love (here we go), we can get sucked into this sea of emotions and feel like we are drowning, suffocated or something equally thrilling, and yeah, these things are pretty awesome if not for the fact that in the aftermath of the said-infatuation-mistaken-as-love, one is left so empty and so... drained. It is like, I need my oxygen, but not the kind that is available freely in the air. 

If it makes you cry in despair, it is not love. 

Love is the thing that gives you warmth in your soul, even when you are not sure there is sunshine.  

x

It was mostly a blur, then again, I was drunk

I drank too much champagne. Too much in the definition when it comes to champagne is one glass. I know. I am a cheap drunk. Then again, it was Moet. And, I am Asian, you know.

I don't feel like writing, but in the spirit of improvement, I am writing anyway. It is kind of like running. I never feel like running, but I schedule it and most importantly, I do it anyway, in the name of improvement and progress.

So. Here we are.

I spent a grand total of $23 today in the combination of sweeps and betting as a way of getting into the spirit of Melbourne cup. And despite knowing that past performance has got nothing to do with future performance, the analytical doctor in me developed amnesia and got too heavily involved with all the trends and analyses put out there by various investment bankers (or quant analysts as they call themselves these days). And let's just say that the outcome of my "investment" serves as a reminder as to why I do not gamble for the rest of the days in the year.

Aaannndd before you scream at me for wasting money this way - chill guys, $23 buys a meal with drinks in Sydney. Actually, it can buy more than that if you know where to go. It can buy some clothes, same deal, if you know where to look. Or a pair of shoes if you are lucky.

Because of the said champagne consumption, I am very sleepy right now. This is after I drank a cup of coffee. I know that I am going to feel this way post champagne, and I drink it anyway - why I do these things that are so destructive is completely beyond me. Is this why people continue gambling despite having no money? Is this why people continue doing drugs despite knowing that they are slowly killing themselves?

When I am at this state, I ask myself if I would continue drinking champagne (because that's what addiction is, yes?). The answer is to that is a resounding no, because I am too weak to reach out for my glass (but not too weak to type up this blog entry). My brain feels lazy, and I think I should stop writing before I end up regretting posting something I shouldn't have.

I'm not saying I have the answer to everything, but there are somethings we have to answer

One of the nice things about getting older for me is that I am slowly working out what I want in life. I am definitely a member of the reaaally slow club, but I am getting there. I would not say slow and steady does the trick, but it works for me. This is pretty much why I don't respond well to personal trainers who scream at me and tell me I am doing things too slowly, or even worse, those who use negative motivations. Dude, would you chill? I know that I am going to get fat if I don't exercise and eat right. 

For me, the hardest thing about working out what I want has been the plethora of choices and more choices that open up more possibilities. It is as if I owe it to myself to pick the best out of those choices, without really knowing what they are or what they entail, or even worse, how suitable they are for me and what I want in the long run. I first identified this problem when I was 18 years old - I was in my second year in college and was struggling to pick a major (or two). The advice I got at the time was this advice: go for the option that leads to more open doors. I guess it was not terrible on the surface, because it bought me time to supposedly figure out what I wanted to do. But it became terrible because of me; instead of using that time to truly figure out what I wanted to do, I ended up doing the most natural thing: procrastinating. I used that time to justify as to why I should not work out what I wanted in life: the most interesting people in this planet do not know what they want right up till they are... err... insert some numbers here. 

Good advice, terrible implementer. Yeap, that was me. 

Another aspect of opening more doors is what is called by FOMO - the Fear Of Missing Out. If my friends are doing X, then if I don't do X, I must be missing out. Unless of course, I am doing Y, which is what everyone wants in the first place anyway, but did not/could not get, so they settled with X. Can anyone say amen to this? Because we don't really talk about this but deep down we wanted to outdo each other all the time. 

Quite fortunately, for me, I don't really struggle with FOMO, purely because I don't really do what my friends did - I did not even study as hard as they did. They see me as "the interesting one", while in fact, I was not trying to be interesting, I was just terribly confused with why I should do what they do when I don't like what they do. That was my benchmark - do I like to do it, or not. If not, let's move on. 

That benchmark was useful on some levels, and it was also terrible on others. Because I subsequently learn that there are things in life that I do not like that I have to do, if only for the mere fact that doing these things would allow me to do the things that I like and actually want to do. After dwelling in this tautology for a while, I realise that maybe it is a good idea to work out what I want to do in this life because it would help to keep me focused and make certain things I don't like doing more bearable. 

If you stumble upon this piece randomly because you don't know what you want in life, then I would say (1) you are normal - a lot of people feel the same way, they are just not as willing to admit it or talk about it; (2) you will benefit from spending time and resources working out what you want in life and then committing yourself to that choice for a while to see if it really is what you want to do; (3) embrace change - really, if you don't like something, change it. You can always reinvent yourself - which is the whole premise of this blog. March to your own drum beat, listen to your head and follow your heart. 

x

What's carb-cravin' got to do with it

Ok, only a few more hours until I stop being contagious, which means I can go out and buy more salmon (ate the last piece last night). Eating salmon is the easiest option right now. The other option is eggs-consumption, which is what I do every morning, so in an attempt not to overdose on eggs, I am trying to eat something else for lunch and dinner.

Of course there is always fried chicken, particularly if they look like this:

That is what I call the real KFC - Korean Fried Chicken. Who would've thought that the Koreans manage to do fried chicken so well, even better than the Indonesians, in my opinion. Hey, hey, relax, I am Indonesian okay, so chill dude. It is just a matter of personal preference, plus the fact that there is no Indonesian restaurant in Sydney that does a half decent fried chicken. As opposed to grilled chicken, which is done to perfection by Ayam Goreng 99. (Yes, despite the name, it is actually the grilled chicken that wins the hearts of many.)  

However, to be completely honest, what I am really really really dying to eat is actually something like this: 

That, ladies and gentlement, is carb-craving gone wild. 

Have a nice weekend! If you are not confined to the walls of your bedroom like me, please go outside and enjoy the breeze. 

Wishful thinking allowed

I have a silly habit of writing whenever I am sick - which is right now. It is Friday and I am sick. This was not part of my plan. The younger version of me would sulk and hate life to its core. But the me-right-now just resigned to the fact that I am sick. The most annoying thing is that I plan to run tomorrow, which I may not be able to do if I don't recover overnight. Yes, recovering overnight does sound really crazy, and when you are sick, you would irrationally put faith in crazy things, otherwise known as miracles.

It is funny that I have to be sick like right now, when I am in the middle of training for JP and when I put extra effort into watching what I am eating. I cannot be healthier than I am right now, can I? My other half ate bread for dinner and I told him that it smelled so good. He said that's your body craving carbs. That is actually true because I have been continuously craving carbs since I've been running, and I am yet to give into my cravings (thus the continuity).

Then I asked this crazy question if it is possible that being sick right now is my body's way of rebelling against this "new normal". He said yes, it is possible. He is not a doctor (the kind that helps people) and he does not have a medical background whatsoever. He is just as crazy as me when it comes to irrelevant things such as this unexplainable sickness that is potentially wrecking my training plans.(This unexplainable sickness is otherwise known as the common cold. It is not the flu.)

This is annoying because I don't have time to waste. Ok, fine, in general, we all don't have time to waste. What I really meant was that I am working on a very strict deadline. I did not factor in being sick, for example. Because I have a goal to achieve. This goal is not even a goal to a lot of people, it is only a goal to me, okay, so it is important to me.

I am going to get some shut eye and hope that everything will magically be fine tomorrow.

PS. One more thing, whenever I read things like this, I remember that majority of people in this planet are twisted because they would almost always take things out of context. If I ever count how many times Xiaxue's material has been taken out of context, I would have been a millionaire by now. The fact that people like her blogs somewhat restores my faith in humanity (because she is smart and uses her brains). Maybe not all of us are f*cked up after all.