Gratitude

One

Every so now and then, I get an unexpected me-day and find myself with some space to write. Me-days are getting rare these days, you guys, because I suddenly find myself in situations whereby I can't quite easily see the people that I love; unplanned interactions with these people are suddenly a thing in the past. I mean, it's somewhat manageable given I am a natural planner, but I do miss those days whereby we would just hang out, you know, for no apparent reason other than, well, we can. The remedy to rare me-days is to schedule a me-day (duh!). This year, one of my non-new year resolution is to spend more time with people I actually like, so I have begun the not-so-simple task of sharing my me-days. Hey, sharing is caring, right? Right? I have never regretted this move and hope to continue in future because these people bring so much joy and laughter into my life. I am lucky, yes I know, I am grateful, every day. Not all day every day, because, I do other things too, but every day.

Two

I have been really ill for most of this year, which is incredibly inconvenient on one end, but terribly nice on the other end. I often say that my family fusses over me when I am sick and I am home, but I don't get this privilege whenever I am not home. I get love from le husb, but he is not always around, you know, he's got stuff to do. However, when he is around, he does so much for me that I am actually tearing up as I write this. Like recently, my stomach has been playing up (my digestive system is very ... weak, for lack of a better description), and consequently, I lost my appetite. So, he took me out on an impulsive date nite to this restaurant that was recommended by a foodie, got me to pick the things on the menu that I wanted to eat, ordered all of them, and the amount of good food just broke the spell: the next day, I could feel that my appetite returned. Not so much with a vengeance (getting back to running would do this trick), just enough to get me excited about food again. The said stomach issue, however, has not been resolved yet - that would take time. One step at a time, and  being excited about food is a good start. As they have always said, when you love life, you love your food. Or something like that. Or it may be something that I said, actually. Oh well. I am thankful for marrying this person who loves me more than I love me. I know this because he loves me even when I don't like myself that much.

Three

The majority of issues that I have are of first-world nature. I have been told that I should feel privileged for having them, but I don't wish to seek feeling privileged in a way that screams desperate more than grateful. Human contentment is a muscle, an emotional muscle, according to me. And just like any other muscle, it takes regular exercise for it to be strong. Without such exercise, it will become weak and useless. I am glad that I have the chance to exercise these muscles on a regular basis. These are not the best of times and often leaving me feeling empty and worthless, which are not nice feelings, even when they are felt only momentarily. I wonder if this is what depressed people feel continuously - plus helplessness for not being able to snap themselves out of it. I am lucky to have examples in my life whereby I get to witness people who passionately fight for their own happiness. These people may not be saving the world, but they are saving themselves, one step at a time. I don't know if there is anything else more powerful that you can do for yourself. I have a lot to learn from these brave souls.

Four

Amongst the five languages of love, a lot of people mistakenly identify mine as words of affirmation. Their reason is errr... I don't know; but baby, let me tell you this: words of affirmation is not my love language. I don't care how many times you tell me that you love me, because I think talk is cheap. When you show me that you love me, by cutting fruits for me, for example, then I would feel loved, by you; it doesn't matter that cutting fruits is such a trivial thing for you (in fact, it is actually better because minimal effort for you, maximal impact for me). Yet recently I unexpectedly derive a lot of joy from these so-called words of affirmation. I realise that I have a soft spot for is people who write me cards - and no, they are not the generic form of "Merry Christmas - have a great one" or "Happy birthday, you old fart", but they are the blank cards filled with words that are written from the heart, the ones that you know perfectly encapsulate what you feel at that point in time that have been immortalised on a piece of paper. I know this because I have been the recipient of such cards lately, the kind that made me tear a little bit, and smile in remembrance. Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be a card, it can be a blank piece of paper, or even electronic ones: text message, an email or my favourite lately, whatsapp. Such a simple gesture can mean so much; simple may not always be the best, but the best must be simple.

Ok, now it's your turn to think about what you've been grateful for in your life. You can tell me about it via Twitter. Or even better, you can write about the things you are grateful about in your life, and then tweet me the link - use @drbelles. I am thinking of doing gratitude writing on a more regular basis, because I think there are a lot of good stuff in my life that I don't really notice, and even God forbid, take for granted. I am ashamed to admit this, but it happens despite the best of intentions. To see my attempt to un-superficialise myself, visit my other blog, and for happy pictures, my instagram.

Stuff I wish I worked out earlier

On the Valentine's day that just passed, le husb woke me up before my alarm via a hug and too many kisses and gently encouraged me to wake up so that I could re-ignite my love for running. What a better day to return to an old love, right? As they have always said, timing is everything, and I must say, that man has a knack for timing. Plus what can be a better gesture of love? This defeats flowers, chocolates and diamonds any day. Almost as good as shoes.

My first reaction was to say "hell no" but then I remembered a rule that I invented myself for situations like this:

The best time to exercise is when you don't feel like it. 

I always impress myself when I come up with rules that (a) I frequently use and (b) I remember during the crucial moments and (c) I actually follow and find useful. I have come up with one too many rules to remember, and this one is definitely my favourite - at least for now - given its applicability. But to be completely honest, I like this rule the most because it eliminates the need for should-ing myself to exercise. I hate hate hate should-ing myself into doing things; I prefer to want to do them because it implies an active choice. I also believe that if you convince yourself that you like doing the things that are good for you, you will end up wanting to do them, and have a better life overall.

Sometimes, I think about the secrets to a good life, and I come to the conclusion that exercising regularly is one of them. But this is hardly a secret, this is public knowledge - similar to eating well is one of the secrets to a good life. Despite this awareness, I find it easy to slip into sedentary inactivity coupled with regular consumption of fried chicken. The saving grace is actually getting older - like it or not, your body will eventually start showing its age. Occasionally, it may even refuse to digest the food that you've consumed, your organs start to deteriorate, and all of these will result in inconveniently persistent pain that stops you from enjoying life - or living it. So, when they say that you have to take care of yourself, what they really mean is you have to eat well, exercise regularly, shower daily, be presentable to society - not only because you want to be socially acceptable - but more because you have maximised your chances to living longer, with minimal pain.

It occurred to me that I have been ... lazy with my life. I loathe typing that sentence because I obviously did not want to admit that. I think of ways to better my life, like fitting in exercise into my schedule and being more deliberate of the things that I let into my stomach, and at times despite my best intentions, I don't always end up where I visioned myself to be because my lack of action is attributed to my laziness. If there is a report card in life, then I probably would get an F for eating too much fried food - and getting an F is like totally despicable because I grew up with Asian parents. Fact is that for most of my life, I have been getting an F in this department, irrespective of my body shape at the time. The reason that I am talking about this now is because for once, I actually want to score an A (and maybe A+ eventually).

I rely somewhat rather extensively on le husb for food - and this is because in addition to buying me food, he is also the designated cook in our household. What can I say, I married well. I got really lucky because he can cook, and he doesn't mind cooking most of the time. (When he does mind, we resort to take-outs.) Because I am married to a man who cooks well and cooks often, I have become even lazier in feeding myself. Instead of going to the kitchen and find something to eat, my default position has been: babe, I am hungry. These four words worked like a charm earlier in our relationship; used too often, however, signals a desperate, needy, useless and hungry person that can, and eventually will, drive the other person mad. I would rather not come to this point. In a relationship, I was told to choose my battles carefully; this is definitely one of them.

It is not like I can't cook, it is more like I haven't learned how to cook properly - and even then I am not sure what the definition of "cooking properly" is. I am no magician in the kitchen, and whenever I tackle a cooking project, I always need a plan B - the take-out option. That, plus a quick way of disposing the cooking disaster, and cleaning up the resultant mess, which is something I don't even pretend to like. There we go, I said it: I don't like cleaning, I haven't found anyone who genuinely likes it. I have found a lot of people who like being in a clean environment, myself included, which is why we clean.

I know that like myself more when I am healthy. I won't promise that I will learn to cook, that sounds too ambitious for someone who doesn't even like chopping vegetables and whose eyes water every time she peels an onion. I won't even attempt to like cooking, or find it relaxing, or anything along those lines. I will just cook, and hopefully le husb will want to (and perhaps even look forward to) eat the end result, and not feel obligated to do so.

Oh, and a new rule:

The best time to cook is when you don't feel like it.  

You are much welcome to tell me your thoughts, via Twitter. As I have always said, conversations with random strangers are best conducted via this platform.You will need to @drbelles me, that's how we connect. You can also follow me if you want. If you don't know what Twitter is, go find out. Oh, signing up to Twitter is free! Occasionally, you can drool over what I cook on instagram, which is also where I pretend that I have a dog. If you can't get enough of my random ramblings, you can visit my other blog, whereby I try to live by my other life-rule: the best time to dress up is when you don't feel like it.  

A story about money

I am weird. I have been told that so many times by so many different people, and some of these people I see on a regular basis, and some of them are my friends. I have grown accustomed to being called weird although to be completely honest, at times I don't exactly know what I am being accused of being weird for.

Recently, I have been ill quite a lot, so much so that I was actually sick of being sick all the time. I have been on antibiotics over antibiotics which caused other issues that I am still dealing with. In my attempt to be healthier, at the encouragement of a friend at the office, I began packing my lunch to work. Actually, that's not true. What she said was actually this:

I am surprised that you buy your lunch everyday. You look like someone who is good with money.

And that's how I discovered that apparently, being good with money and buying lunches are two mutually exclusive things. It is rather hypocritical for you to be good with money and buy your lunch on a daily basis. People who are good with money pack their lunches, okay. That's how you stretch the value of your money, that's how you save money, that's how you become good with money.

I have always wondered why there are more so-called finance bloggers who are blogging about their attempts to get out of debt rather than the ones who share stories about successfully managing their finances. I haven't crunched some numbers yet, however, based on my extremely limited experience with Google on this particular issue, I must say that getting out of debt is attractive. Almost as attractive as the instant gratification of acquiring things on credit.

The attraction of stories of how to get out of debt is similar to that of weight loss. Weight loss is so attractive that it is a multimillion (billion?) dollars industry. Losing weight is almost as attractive as the accumulation of fat and weight - the endless instant gratification of eating junk food - the high fat, high sodium and high sugar, one after each other to mask the lows that they inevitably bring.

And for these watch-me-get-out-debt-bloggers, being good with money equals to saving at every opportunity you can, which really means, not buying coffee, and not buying lunches, not going out for food because you know, preparing your own food is more cost effective. And if you are trying to lose weight, how about you eat less food, because when you buy less food, you can use the money to pay your debt faster. 

My question is this: where are the people who are on the opposite spectrum. Why isn't there more people who openly share their struggles with saving their money, the kind of investment decisions they have to make, the maintenance work that they have to do to stay on top of things, you know, the kind of things that they have to do to be financially successful: how to be successful with money. Is it like some kind of high-mile club whereby those who've cracked the code have been sworn to a code of silence, and the rest of us mere mortals can only guestimate what it takes to be part of the said club.

Or perhaps because when you share stories of financial success, you are viewed as bragging. Plus in general, people don't really want to tell other people how much money they actually own or owe. The code of silence is alive and well - we just don't talk about money altogether.

So, the said friend suggested that (to be more in line with her perception that I am good with money) I pack my lunch to work. And I said, sure, I can do that, just baby steps okay, like we start with one day a week, then the week after that, two days a week, the week after, three, you get the idea. We are now at the end of week one and the number of times I bring my lunch to work is ... five. There are only five working days last week. What can I say, I like to outdo myself like that.

Oh, and set goals that are easy to attain. It makes you feel good and so... accomplished.

If you want to leave comments about this post, you can do so via Twitter, and you need to @drbelles me. You can follow me if you want, you just need to promise to put up with my weird-ness. A display of my almost daily weird-ness is documented on my instagram (no, not really, just a display of the food I eat and other consumeristic endeavours that I pursue). I write about other stuff in my other blog, which you can read if you can't have enough of me. 

How to lose weight permanently

This post is dedicated to those who want to lose weight permanently. Of course you need to be fat on the bigger side at present to be in a position to need to lose weight. Whether you want to be healthier or you want to look good - superficial or non-superficial reasons, I don't care.

I grew up fat, I was a fat child person. My dad and the mirror told me so. This is not about my Dad and what he said/says. He is my Dad, and he is forever my love, and he is not perfect, so please leave him (and his parenting techniques) out of this.

Oh, and if you are fat because of some other medical condition, then this post is definitely not for you.

So. How to lose weight.

(1) Eat lots of vegetables. Make sure that 70% of what you eat comprises vegetables of various colours. The rest is preferably protein and some fat. There is no dessert in this equation - and for a good reason: dessert is meant to be for special occasions, special as in once in a month kind of special, like celebrating a birthday kind of special - aka once a year kind of special.

If you are hungry, eat vegetables and some protein. You can eat fast, slow, whatever speed you want, I don't care. I try to eat slow because apparently that's better for me, but I think I eat fast, because I eat a lot. Like as in I am the last person in the table to finish eating, for almost every single meal I eat. I either eat a lot of food or my companions don't eat that much. Anyway.

Most of the time, you are not hungry when you eat dessert. Admit it! You just want to taste something sweet, something light, bla bla bla. Ok, I get it, sugar cravings, or whatever you want to call it. The rule is this: if you want to lose weight, you gotta make sacrifices. You either sacrifice your meal (vege and protein) or you sacrifice dessert. You need the nutrients in the meal more than you need the sugar hit of the dessert, so choose carefully. It's your choice, really.

(2) Move more than a dead person. The main reasons that the majority of people are fat are poor diet and sedentary lifestyle. I know I was fat because I did not know how to feed myself (le husb told me this - not the fat bit, but the other bit) and  I had quite an aversion to exercise. I have since started to exercise regularly and I like myself a lot more as a result of that. I guess this feeling can be called ... err... healthy feeling. Like you know when you feel 'bleagh' after you binge on some junk food, well, this feeling is the opposite of that, except, better.

As you all know, this is not just about exercising, it is about moving in general - like as in, you get up to get your own drink, or you walk instead of driving, etc. This is the best excuse to invest in really good shoes. Good shoes are necessities in life. You need at least a pair of shoes that are comfortable, stylish and make you feel like you can conquer the world, one step at a time.

You don't have to buy a pedometer, although you can if you want to. Some people are motivated by numbers, and if you are one of these people, then by all means, buy the pedometer and you can be motivated by the number that you see or don't see. I have never owned a pedometer, but had the pleasure of buying some for my dad and my uncle, who were (still are?) using them once upon a time. They are not fat, they are just number-curious people.

(3) Drink water - and just water. No soft drinks. No alcohol. Yes, no alcohol. If you are thirsty, drink water. What? You don't like the taste of water? Then you shall suffer in your thirst. Can't give up soft drinks and alcohol? That's fine - there is a very good chance that your weight loss journey is going to be unnecessarily longer and harder. Your choice.

I get that soft drinks and alcoholic beverages can be addictive, if not were designed to be addictive (these corporations like to make money, okay). I get that we are human and we succumb to temptation. The point is to not make a habit out of it. Or in other words, cultivate the good habit of drinking water.

(4) Say no to things you don't like. This doesn't just pertain to food or drinks, but to everything in your life. If there is something you don't like in your home, either toss or donate it (or give it to someone). If you don't like your hairstyle, change it. If you don't like your clothes, then change them. If you don't like where you live, then make plans to move to an area you actually like. If you don't like your financial position, then start budgeting. If you don't like your habits, then change them - replace the ones you don't like with the ones you like.

Why? Because the more you like your life, your surroundings, your look, etc, the better you feel about yourself. When you feel better about yourself, it is easier to give up dessert and eat vege and protein. It is also easier to exercise and move more. Really, trust me, it is easier to walk in a house that's not cluttered rather than a house that's cluttered to the roof. I know this because my imagination tells me so.

Once you've lost the weight you want to lose, then it is a matter of maintaining your weight. Maintaining your weight takes effort, okay. It pretty much means you gotta eat vegetables and protein and give up dessert most of the time, move more than a dead person everyday, and say no to the things you don't like everyday. But you can drink soft drinks and alcoholic beverages occasionally.

Good luck! 

***
We gotta connect through twitter. Largely because I don't want to deal with spams in my comments, and because I am personally of view that in the world of social media, conversations (with strangers) are best conducted via twitter. If you want to look at some pictures, you can view my instagram and my other blog, where I talk about other things, with pictures. If you like full on writing, and only that, then just stay on this blog. If you want me to look at your blog, you can send me a twit - @drbelles, okay. If you don't have twitter, err... get one! It's free!

Happy new year!

It has been about 11 days into 2014 and yours truly had just touched down in Sydney after a brief stint with viva la familia. Thankfully, no floods this time and Jakarta has been slowly and surely being cleaned up. But the rain still makes me nervous. Perhaps it is because the thunder is incredibly loud and the lightning threaten to burn you alive, or it may as well be the sound of the water hitting the roof, or the sudden increase in mosquito activities, or all of the above. No matter. Very happy to be here, have missed this place a lot more than I thought I would. Ate too much while I was home, as always, got sick with a cold and a tummy bug, both of which I've successfully brought with me here. Plus falling down one morning that resulted in a lot of bruises and cuts, all of which are still in the process of healing. So, don't mind me if you see me limping and wincing for no apparent reason. It's a long story, but it is one heck of a good story. Until then. x

I wish her happiness

I guess the time has come that I must say good bye to her.  So many days have gone by and for most of those days, I fell asleep at the thought of her. She came into my life by accident, or perhaps, serendipity is a better description. Whenever I thought about how she came into my life, it was as if a missing puzzle had been found. It finally all made sense, that I was meant to be there, at that point in time, at that particular path, so that we could bump into each other. Except that, we did not just bump, we hugged. Not the kind of hug whereby you move towards the air space near the object of your so-called affection, but the one in which your bodies melt towards each other and in that moment, you experience beauty. The moment that makes life worth living, and each pain worth suffering. She was like a drug, she brought a new kind of high and then, with it, a new kind of low.

Not a day gone by in which a thought about her did not linger, or at least, pass by. I have pretty much exhausted all of the release avenues by now because it has come to the point whereby I have no words left to say. She has slipped away from my life. I tried to be happy for her that she had found what it was she had been searching for so long. But the truth is that I still miss her very deeply. I have always thought that she was not in my life just for a season; I have grown accustomed to looking at her face and watching her silently expressing what I thought was her affections. She had seen me through my worst and brought me back to reality. How could something so beautifully bonded together be separated without as much as a struggle. Sometimes I think life is so unfair this way. For the past decade, did those moments really happen and did we really bond like I felt we did.

My memory is fading not because of the time that has gone past, but because I have stopped trying to remember her. Those memories that we had crafted so effortlessly now seem so surreal; did we or did we not love each other like we felt we did. I can’t remember whether she held my hand when we walked together, but I remember her flinching every time I put my arm around her.  The little things that I brushed aside at the time suddenly assume so much for significance – but for what. The fruitless exercise of remembering she, who is now long gone, so quietly, so painfully.

Maybe in another life time, we would bump into each other again, and maybe, just maybe, we will hug tighter, even if it’s just for a second.

Random wisdom of getting older

So, I turned a year older.

I am one of those annoying people who continuously mention their birthdays before the day itself. It's fun, at least to me, and somewhat rather annoying to those who have to listen to it more than once. I am pretty sure I annoy the heck of my friends and I am grateful that somehow we are still friends.

They (as in the generic form of "they") say that it is all just a number once you passed a certain point in life. This certain point in life, to a lot of people, is 30. To others, it is when you have kids, and for the rest, it is like, err... 21. I am excited every time it is my birthday, for the mere reason that it is my birthday. And if I happen to like you, then I would  be excited it is your birthday, and make a fuss so that you feel special (even just a lil bit).

I am obviously one of the minority here, because I still feel that turning a year older is special even when I am supposedly past "this certain point". Because it confirms yet another one of my currently-tested-but-yet-to-be-conclusively-confirmed theories that life does get better every day. My life today is remarkably better than my life a year ago. Or at least, that's how I feel about it, and I think that's all that matters, to me, anyway.

Getting older is awesome because you discover a lot of things about life that you know is somewhat true because you've experienced it yourself. I really don't want to use this example, but I am going to because a lot of people can relate to this: dieting by elimination of major food groups does not work in the long run. If you want to look good, you really gotta be healthy and to be healthy you gotta exercise and eat properly. Eating properly means you eat a balanced diet - and what this diet is to you is something you gotta work out. After years of trial and error, largely because I was a fat kid who was perpetually on a diet, I think I have this figured out for now. As I become older and my body starts giving up and bla bla bla, this would need to change - and that's ok because I will make it work, somehow.

Change "dieting" to any other activity and you get the idea - the idea of figuring out what works and what doesn't work. If you know that something is "so not you", then don't do it. If you don't stay true to yourself, then who will? You owe it to yourself to do things right by you. If you don't like something, change it to something that you like. You may not like it forever, but at least you are ok with it for now.

You realise that change is a constant constant in life, and you figure that you may as well get used to it. This does not mean that dealing with change get easier, but it does mean that you can endure the hardships knowing that you are going to turn out to be better on the other side.

And once in a while, you stop, eat one too many friands and watch your friends twerk.

Yes, life is good, indeed.