The fourth date milestone

I am the last person in this planet who is remotely qualified to comment on relationships because I can never keep a straight face when stumbling upon relationship advice columns.

Currently, I am exposed to a variety of relationship issues simply due to the fact that I have a good mix of people in my life who are attached with kids, who are not attached but with kids, who are attached with a kid on the way, who are attached with no kids, who are not attached and want to be attached, and who are not attached and do not want to be attached. Each have their own sets of relationship problems, but today I want to talk about the last two groups.

The last two groups of people are the ones who are often the most confused when it comes to relationships. This is not so much because they do not know what they want, they do, and they have articulated it over and over and over again. The confusion stems from the fact that they just do not know how to read other person's behaviour.

There is this universal understanding that by the time it's the fourth date, you have a pretty good feel as to whether you want to be with this person (as in taking it to the next level) or not. I mean, what is the point in asking someone out so many times if you are not even attracted to them, right. So whether you make it to your fifth date is really the key here.

Because in the fifth date, supposedly, you have the are-we-taking-this-to-the-next-level kind of talk, after which you would discover whether you two are in the same page (or not) and then hopefully sort things out from there accordingly.

All of these sounds so juvenile, doesn't it? It is like who has that talk in this day and age? Answer: everyone who is single, apparently*. Because we cannot assume anything any more, and nothing is inferred any more: just because we've been hanging out does not mean we are an item because we never had the agreement, you got it? But it doesn't mean we have to abstain from fucking.

If I can put a word to summarise this, then that would be this: painful. For the most part, I do sympathise with all the singletons out there who want to be attached, who went on 4 dates and subsequently found that the person they had been dating is not interested in them, for reasons that are often related to something that they can control. And because of this, I am of view that if you've found love, well, you are lucky.

And if you haven't, go find out as soon as possible. Don't wait till the fourth date, it's a waste of time. You're either in or you're out. 

*I asked my then-boyfriend (now husband) if we had this talk, and he said yes. And ever since, I have been wracking my brain trying to recall that particular moment. I can only hope that it was a civil conversation. I mean, it must be, right, given that it's not that memorable. Surely, if it was like during one of our fights, then I would have remembered it? I have given up on trying to recall both that conversation and when it happened.

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