On marriage

I think my biggest achievement to date is being married. Anyone who’s been married would know how big an achievement it really is. Not because of a big celebration or lack thereof, but because of everything else that makes a marriage, well, a marriage.

Don’t worry, I am not going to go all Oprah on you, or write a lengthy article on my personal reflections on what I think love is, or should be (whatever). Don’t have the time for all of that right now. Maybe one day.

There is no easy way to get married. There is no universal checklist of checking compatibility, there is no to-do list to ascertain compatibility, and even if such lists do exist, completing them do not always guarantee compatibility. Because those lists are merely suggestions and never indicative of (one of) the real indicator of compatibility: your willingness to work on your marriage, right now and over time, especially during the moments that are, you know, hard.

Because the questions that you need to ask yourself is not whether the other person is the perfect match for you, but whether you are willing to be the perfect match for that person. To what extent are you willing to further yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself every single day over and over again, for the mere reason that this other person notices and appreciates that, even when he/she doesn’t always tell you so.

You come to the realisation that it is impossible, unreasonable, not to mention unhealthy, to ask this other person to be everything that you want your perfect partner-to-be. You stop wanting to change him/her, and instead, focus on changing yourself to be the perfect person for him/her.

And if you two can easily agree on what sort of wedding you want, form a united front in the face of parental and family-related pressures, well, that’s like a bonus.