Own it (aka being yourself part 2)

One of my frustrations about our education system is the fact that no one told us how difficult it is to be ourselves, even when we are encouraged to be ourselves every single fucking time. Or to put it differently, to be the person that we actually like. Perhaps the means are not available, for whatever reason, but I personally believe for a lot of people, myself included, the issue is finding out who (and what ) you actually like to be (doing).

As we grow older (and hopefully become mature yadidadida), life happens in a way that gets in the way. Life gets in the way in the form of rent to pay mostly, and then there is this thing called... pride about getting the job. In my cohort, it was getting a Big-4 job (banks and/or accounting firms). I did neither, I completed a doctorate instead. Best decision of my life? Naturally.

I get to write the prestigious two letters in front of my name for the rest of my life. Yes, I am a doctor. I kind of like being one.

And it helped me worked out what I wanted to do afterwards. 

To summarise: I completed the project (that was my thesis) about 6 months early because I just couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. My supervisors were (and still are) incredibly talented and lovely academics (well, most of them anyway), and the support they've given over the years was literally one of the things that kept me going. But I was bored to tears with the whole program. I wanted out, stat. Quitting was never an option (this is what happened when you grow up with a dad like mine). So I had to focus on getting it done, stat. I discovered that when I put my mind into something, I end up achieving my goals.

More importantly, I learned that I can own it, you know as in, own the fuck out of it. I learned that when I don't like something, I have to change it. I accepted that change is the only constant in my life and so I learned to be friends with it. I learned that to be friends with change, I have to interact with it. I embraced it, just like any other friends I have, and incorporated it into my life. I started making time for it, basically. And for some reason, it decided to respond to my friendship and my life has never been the same ever since. 

This is quite a breakthrough for me because in this life, I was so accustomed to conforming. I insisted on being different ... just because. I lacked the courage to pursue the things that I actually like (and be the person I am comfortable with) because I have this fear of missing out. What if I miss out on that life while I am busy pursuing this life? What if that life ends up being better than this life? But if what I truly want is this life, then why do I still consider that life as an option? Why can't I just be comfortable with the fact that what I want is actually this life, especially when it seems like no one else wants it.

A lot of things in my life did not go according to plan after graduation. I would be lying to you if I told you that everything was a bed of roses and all the hu-ha, oh please: the GFC happened. I realised that everything in this life happens for a reason or three, and those reasons are usually fucking good, even when you aren't necessarily aware of it at the time.  

I still get a plethora of people saying that it's such a waste that I am not in academia on a full-time basis because that's what doctors do. Well guess what, there are some doctors out there, like yours truly, who are not in academia and do not believe that it's such a waste.

Simply put, this is what I want for my life. I own this. If you don't like this fact, something is wrong with you. I am just being honest with myself, who I am and what I want in my life. This is my recipe for a comfortable life: I devote myself into working out the things I want to do and spend a chuck of my time doing them. Or to put it differently, I am not comfortable spending my efforts to conform to society's standard of being just like anyone else. I am not about that life.

Ok.

It is difficult to stay true to yourself. To be able to do this, you have to do this for the rest of your life. You have to remind yourself why you are doing this. For reasons that are intimate to you and most likely private to you, you are responsible for keeping your dreams alive. If to be able to do this means you have to be deaf to certain people, then be deaf to certain people.

Nobody is forcing you to live your life this way. But this is your life; and because this is your life, you live it at your best.

You only have one life.

No pressure.