You are not obliged to have sex

To all the single women out there: you are not obliged to have sex with men who paid for your dinner/lunch/dates/movies/whatever.

That's pretty much basically what I want to say in this post.

I am sick and tired of men who paid for dates and consequently expect the women to have sex with them. It is so insincere of you to pay for something in exchange of sexual favours. If that's really what you were after, there are prostitutes that you can do the exchange with. You are not a nice person. What the fuck happen to sincerity?

In case you are wondering why I am writing this, it is because of some of the males that I do know in real life who share their "dating" stories with me. The inverted commas are there because they would never classify these stories as dating stories, more like... just stories.

I get that everyone, given the option, would choose to be nice over something else. I don't know what it is about the label nice, but it is so friggin' attractive that it is hard not to choose that label. We all want to be nice people because we like nice people. Nasty people, not so much, obviously, because they are nasty people. Nice people on the other hand, they make us feel good. Either they look nice, or they smell nice, or they say nice things, or they do nice things, or whatever else that makes them nice, we like them because they are nice.

Nothing wrong with that. I am hopelessly attracted to people who dress nicely and have been in danger of falling down and hitting a pole (literally) just because I turn my head a little too long. I can't help but look at nicely dressed people because to me, they are nice. I can totally understand if you stare at me a little too long for your liking, however, when our eyes meet, please, at least give me the courtesy of a little smile. So that you don't appear so creepy.

One of these guys told me a story that sticks to my head months, or even years, after the story has been told. It goes like this: guy met a girl online. Guy finally got a chance to meet girl. Guy was (and still is) a lot richer than girl and had subsequently been funding her life in one way or another. They spent a lot of time together, dinner, dates, sex. Girl was a virgin, by the way, but was old enough to have sex.

The next day, he told me the story, and after one too many stories like this one, I asked the question that I had always wanted to ask: how do you sleep at night.

I get that there is this off chance that I probably shouldn't have asked that question, but I did ask the question and I forgot to give the usual escape option of "you don't have to answer if you don't want to". That resulted in an answer that was, to his credit, an honest one. His reasoning was along the lines of: I paid for her schooling, her plane tickets, hotel, dinners, etc etc etc, so it was natural for us to have sex. And I am still paying for her education.

Granted that I do not have the liberty to ask for the girl's point of view in these series of exchanges, but tell if what he said was not along the lines of "I am a nice guy, therefore I deserve sex."

Before we go, let me just conclude with this: I do not have a problem with guys who want sex. I just wish they do not disguise their motives under some supposedly "nice" deed and then justify themselves as a nice person afterwards. A nice person is someone who is sincere, and when you expect or demand something in return, I am not sure that exactly qualifies as nice. I KNOW that a nice person would reciprocate a good deed, but this does not mean the reciprocation is demanded.