You should totally blog this!

The "thing" about blogging is that just like any other thing worth doing in life, it is hard. It is especially hard for people like me because this is not the central of my life. As in, I don't do this full time, and I have a lot of respect for people who manage to do this on the side and do it well. I admit that, as some of you have told me, that I do struggle with this, not only in terms of finding the time to do it, but also in terms of what the blog is going to be about. This lack of direction (for the blog) is annoying to me. Trust me, I actually want this to be more streamlined and dare I say it, more interesting than it is currently, which is mostly a blab of the little bits and pieces that I think about or share with someone during the day and get a "you should totally blog this" squeal.

Uh-huh.

Like totally blogging it right now.

The blog is called belle.reinvention for two reasons. Belle is my name, in case you don't know it by now. Reinvention is a concept that I am fascinated with because I think in our lives, we constantly reinvent ourselves even when we don't consciously realise it. I think, this is the whole point of living. This is because the world as we know it is a ever-changing place, nothing ever stays constant. Therefore in order to survive and thrive in this life, we need to be flexible, you know, adapt to the changes of the world.

So the blog is about me reinventing myself. That sounds really self-absorbed, but there really is no other way of putting it in a few words. Dare I say that I want this blog to be something that I look back to in my old age? Ha! I am already old!! I have already bid good bye to my twenties and now am living in my thirties - and this is going to be the decade that is the best to date!!

In my twenties, I struggle with the question of "what should I do with my life". The key word here is "should". I think a lot of people struggle with this too, we just don't really talk about it. Or we have parents who told us what to do so that we are so occupied with these things that we don't have a chance to pause and think about what it is that we really want to do (which is a different question altogether from the first question).

Oh the things that we "should" ourselves to. For a while I am so allergic to this word that I tune out every time someone says that word - which quite unfortunately, happened quite often. It would drive my dad ballistic if he were in the same room as me, however, thankfully, it is hard to tell when your conversation partner tune out when your conversation is done over a screen. Don't worry, I have stopped doing that because I realise that often times what people really mean is to say this is what I want us to do, and somehow that gets phrased to "we should". Saying "I want us" is so much better than "we should" to my ears, but I get that it may come across as dominating and all the hu-ha, so yeah, "we should" is perhaps the more publicly acceptable option so it stays.

This is not to say that I don't use "should"-s in my life, or rather my speech (gotta love the double negative). This is to say that there are things that I have to read between the lines which are not always clear nor hold true at all times. NOT everyone who says "we should" really means to say "I want us", some of this people really mean "we should" for whatever reason we should do something. Sometimes I get to differentiate this correctly on the spot, other times, I don't and I got it totally wrong, and it is fine, I live, they live, we learn.

So in my thirties, I have decided that I am going to dedicate this decade to doing things that I want to do with my life, even when I am largely finding them out as I go along. What? You know what you want to do with your life? Congratulations! Now leave the rest of us clueless mortals in peace because finding out what we want to do is hard enough without people like you pressuring us to do something with our lives so that we don't end up being another contribution to the wasted potential pool.

KIDDING. None of you people are like this, only the horrible ones are like this. If you feel guilty as you are reading this, then it is you. Ha!

Ok, I am off to the running with the sun, so this blog entry is going to end here abruptly.